i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
