Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
