Duck Duck Cougar?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
