Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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