My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
