After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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