What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
