So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
