Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
what day is it and did you see me today?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
