dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
