I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
