Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
