she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You were trust falling into bushes
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
