I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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