Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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