Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
