Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
