but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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