I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
