I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
she pinky promised me she was 18
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Ladies don't puke and tell
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
