Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Semen is not good for contacts.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
