So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
