Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
