Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
