she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
