between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
