Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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