he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
