I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
