Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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