Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
