Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I got inside last night via doggy door
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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