I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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