By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
