did you get engaged???
wakey wakey hands off snakey
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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