i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
