Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
