when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
