Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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