I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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