Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
