I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
