My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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