Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
