This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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