This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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