Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
