first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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