she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
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