Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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