Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
